My life as a MEG-A-STAR

This morning, Mum woke us up super early. Come on, girls, she said. Let’s go for a walk. What now?! said Elsie. It’s like 5am.  Now, said Mum. Then we can hear the dawn chorus. Else wasn’t keen. Do we have to? she said. I’m tired, I fancy a lie in. Listen, said Mum, the sooner we go, the sooner you’ll be back for your breakfast. Else thought about it for half a second. Come on then, she said.

Else thought about it for half a second. Come on then, she said.

We were so super early, there was no one around, only us and Mum and the sound of the birds and it was really misty too, kind of like magic.

It was really misty too, kind of like magic.

Even the squirrels were still asleep. Come on, I shouted. Hey, wake up! Shush, said Mum. Meg! I’m listening to the birds.

Come on, I shouted. Hey, wake up!

Else watched the whole thing from the brow of the hill. You could see she was like ‘Come on!’ but we just ignored her.

Else watched the whole thing from the brow of the hill.

Then she came down. We’ve been aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages, she said. I’m starving. Pleeeeease can we go home and have some breakfast.

We’ve been aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages, she said.

So then we turned back, cos that’s what Mum’s like, really soft on Elsie. But on the way, this hare ran across right in front of Elsie Pie, which perked her up no end. Did you see! she kept saying. Hey Meg, did you see! That was my closest EVER, she said. Which maybe it was, but it wasn’t that close, or nowhere near as close as me, even on three legs, nowhere near, even on three with a thorn in my paw, nowhere near, just saying.

This hare ran across right in front of Elsie Pie

So then we went home and I had a quick swim on the way, like just to wind Elsie up, or not really, I mean I do like swimming, well maybe just a bit.

I had a quick swim on the way

Then, after breakfast, Else went to sleep cos she was so exhausted. But I wasn’t even tired at all, so I helped Mum in the garden and we chatted. I like early morning walks, I said. cos when you get back there’s still lots of day left. Hey Mum, I said, can we do it again tomorrow?

Hey Mum, I said, can we do it again tomorrow?

 

 

 

So I said to Else, I said, ‘Elsie I’ve got a plan.’ ‘What sort of a plan,’ said Elsie, like really suspicious. ‘A good plan,’ I said. Elsie didn’t say anything. ‘Well,’ I said. ‘Don’t you want to hear it?’ Elsie grunted. ‘Go on then,’ she said. Do you know what I’m saying, blood out of a stone.

‘We’re going to plant a garden,’ I said. ‘We’ve got a garden,’ Elsie said. ‘If you’d just let me finish, Elsie,’ I said. ‘We’re going to plant a garden for Ruby Roo.’ Elsie just stared at me. ‘Listen,’ I said. ‘We’re going to plant all Ruby Roo’s favourite things. Lettuce and parsley and maybe some dill…’ ‘How do you know what Ruby Roo likes?’ said Elsie. ‘She’s a RABBIT,’ I said. ‘She likes lettuce. All rabbits like lettuce.’ ‘I don’t like lettuce, Elsie said. ‘Or not unless there’s nothing else.’ ‘But you’re not a rabbit, are you?’ I said. Honestly, head brick wall.

‘So then what?’ said Elsie. ‘So then we wait. And when Ruby Roo hears about our garden, she’ll sneak in and try to steal our lettuce, and then…’ ‘Then what?’ said Elsie. ‘We chase her! Do I have to spell everything out?’ I said. ‘We chase her and we tell her to stop posting provocative videos, or else…’ ‘Or else what?’…’Just or else,’ I said…. ‘Or else what?’…. ‘Just or else.’…. and we carried on like that for a bit.

Well Elsie was doubtful to put it mildly. ‘It sounds like a lot of work,’ she said. ‘And Ruby Roo might not even come.’ ‘Course she will,’ I said. ‘But even if she doesn’t. Other rabbits will come, won’t they.  Think of it Elsie, thousands of rabbits. What’s the point you and me chasing them, when all we need to do is plant a salad bar and wait?’ Well that convinced her, like I knew it would, the thought of lying in the sun and having the rabbits come to her. Minimum effort, maximum reward; that’s Elsie Pie all over.

So we got Mum to take us to the garden centre and we chose all the plants that rabbits like, except Mum kept trying to sneak in extra stuff to get us to plant them for her too. ‘Are you sure rabbits like sweet peas?’ I asked her. ‘Positive,’ she said.

‘Are you sure rabbits like sweet peas?’ I asked her.

Then came all the digging and planting and that was hard work, and guess who did it.

But finally the job was done. Look Ruby Roo, how d’you fancy some lettuce?

Look Ruby Roo, how d’you fancy some lettuce?

And I took a well-earned rest from my labours.

It’s alright, Elsie, you can wake up now. Job’s done!

 

 

 

 

My official photographer (aka Mum) was commissioned to take my portrait to mark my One Year Ampuversary!

I may have mentioned this before, but I am the dog they said couldn’t possibly manage on three legs. Not possibly, that’s what they said. Not possibly. No way.

Else had to muscle in, of course, cause that’s the way she is. She nearly pushed me off the bridge!

And this one. Show me your softer side, said Mum, and so I did. This is my Princess Diana look…

More soon, when I’ll be updating the blog with details of my celebrations.

Bye for now!

Love Meg xxx

People are always asking me what I am. I’m a MegaStar, I tell them. But what are you, they say. How d’you mean? I say. I told you, I’m a MegaStar. But… they say. But what? I say. Nothing, they say, and that’s the end of that.

The thing is, I know what they want to know, and why. I just don’t let on. They want to know what my ingredients are, all the special things you need to put in the pot and mix together to come up with one of me.

One of me

Well, I never paid very much attention, to be honest. A MegaStar is a MegaStar and it’s a very rare and very special thing to be, and it’s so rare there’s only one the world and I’m just incredibly MegaLucky that that one and only MegaStar just happens to be me. All the same, I do find that as I get older, I’m developing more of an interest in my family history. So when Mum offered to do me a DNA test, I said okay, why not? Apart from anything else, I said, there ought to be a record. A MegaStar’s genetics are matter of supreme historical, cultural, aesthetic and scientific importance.

So she sent off a cheek swab, and this is what came back:

 

Now, lest there be any doubters amongst you, I should perhaps add, that Mum has had my DNA tested twice before (twice!), in an effort to understand my behaviour (her words), which is frankly bizarre, as my behaviour has never been anything other than entirely understandable, and if anyone’s DNA needed testing for behavioural clues, I’d respectfully suggest that it’s her DNA, not mine. Anyway, leaving that aside… my Rottweiler parentage has come up in all three tests, so I think we can call that conclusive. For some reason people seem to find this amusing, I have no idea why. In my youth, it is true that my Rottweiler genes were perhaps closer to the surface. Here’s a picture of me from the early days, not long after Mum adopted me, when I was about a year old…

Me, during my first Winter with Mum

I have changed in appearance considerably to become the dog you know and love today. My leg’s the least of it:

The dog you know and love today

I believe the Rottweiler was my mother because though, sadly, I cannot remember her face, I do have a deep buried memory (I think it is a memory, not just a dream) of being nursed by a majestic creature, and a red muzzle licking me clean.

My other components are harder to picture, and I have no recollection of my father at all, so Mum did me a family tree, with pictures, including a guess at what my father might have looked like. I stared long and hard into his soft, grey face and imagined how astonished, and delighted he’d be, to know he had a MegaStar for a daughter.

 

My Family Tree

And then, of course, Elsie got all jealous cause Mum hadn’t done a tree for her and even though it’s like the most totally obvious thing in the whole world ever, and even though it’s so obvious, she never even needed a DNA test, Mum still did Elsie a family tree, which is here, and I haven’t changed it at all, cause I wouldn’t, not at all, I mean obviously, not at all, so this is Elsie’s family tree:

Elsie’s Family Tree

But they didn’t just test for my ancestors, but for my health markers too, which is really why Mum did it, and it turns out  I am totally clear of all the genetic disease markers they test for. Except they haven’t yet found the gene for IOHC, which I do have, and I wish they would, and maybe now they’ve got my DNA, that will help them find it.

So that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you make a MegaStar – or how you avoid making one, says Mum, which is really mean, but she’s only joking. I mean, obviously she’s only joking. You’re only joking, aren’t you, Mum? Mum???

Sometimes I find it hard to decide on what is the best thing ever. Like last week I thought the best thing ever was going to the beach, and the week before that I thought it was… actually I can’t remember, but it doesn’t matter anyway because now I KNOW the best thing ever ever EVER in the world is snow.

The thing is with snow, you can roll in it…

And you can eat it as well…

You can play in it…

Or you can just stand and watch it fall. It’s magical, it really is.

Even Elsie Pie was up for some fun. We made this video to show you.

Can’t stop, Else and I are off to build a giant snow squirrel.

Lots of love,

From Meg xxx