Month: December 2016

Nine months post amp and I am loving my Megastar life on three! The only thing is I’m worried that now my memory seems to be going. Can someone remind me, what was that fourth leg for?

So this morning Pie turns up for the walk, dressed like… well, I don’t know how you’d describe it. ‘What is that?’ I said. ‘What’s what?’ she said. ‘That,’ I said. ‘Oh,’ she said. ‘This? This is my new jumper.’ ‘And the colour,’ I said. ‘What about it?’ she says. ‘It’s giving me a headache,’ I said. ‘So don’t look at me then,’ she says, like proper full-on sulking.

‘Oh,’ she said. ‘This? This is my new jumper.’

Well we ignored each other for a bit, I mean as best you can when you’re out for a walk with a flashing Belisha beacon, but then I got thinking about it.

Then I got thinking about it.

‘Else,’ I said. ‘I think I know why you chose that colour.’ ‘I’m not interested,’ she said. ‘Okay, why?’ ‘It’s because you want to be seen,’ I said. ‘Cause you feel like nobody notices you.’ ‘Who are you, my shrink?’ she said. But I could tell I’d struck a chord.

‘I’m not interested,’ she said.

‘Everyone thinks you’re amazing,’ she said. ‘Especially now you’ve got three legs, but nobody notices me at all.’ ‘I do,’ I said. ‘And so does Mum.’ ‘Nobody else,’ she said.

Well, we carried on walking and I kept trying to think of ways to cheer her up, but nothing seemed to work. ‘It’s not about what you wear,’ I said. ‘It’s about what you do.’ ‘But I can’t do anything,’ she said. ‘Of course you can!’ I said. ‘Like what?’ she said. I thought for a bit. ‘Well you’re very good at eating,’ I said.

So then I went off to check on some hares, and I looked round and right in front of Elsie, suddenly there’s this deer.

Right in front of Elsie, suddenly there’s this deer.

‘Else!’ I called. ‘Else!’ but she was already on it, running like you’d never believe she could run, I mean seriously Flying Pie!

I rushed over to help.

But, I’m not being modest, I couldn’t even catch her.

Then I checked for her, just to make sure the deer was really and properly gone.

‘Nice work, Elsie Pie,’ I said. ‘That was amazing! You were amazing! Talk about Flying Pie!’

And she was so happy she rolled on her back and waved her legs in the air.

‘It’s cos of my jumper,’ she said. ‘It’s magic. When I wear it, I can do magic things.’ ‘Nah,’ I said, and I really meant it. ‘It’s not your jumper that’s magic, Else. It’s you.’

Now I realise that, as a Megastar, photoshoots go with the territory, but lately Mum’s been getting a little bit what I can only describe as snap happy. It’s the light, she says, you look so beautiful in this clear Autumn light, I’m like, yada yada, talk to the paw, whatever Mum, can we just go? Just a second, she says, and it never is, just a second, I mean, she’s like non stop faffing. Don’t move, she says. I’m like, this is a walk? A walk, okay? Geddit? The clue’s in the name. You’re supposed to keep walking. One second, Meg! she says. One second! But, like I say, never is.

Then Elsie, starts wingeing, cos she’s cold. Honest to Dog, the pair of them! So mostly I go chase a deer or something, and Mum’s like, ooh quick, that would make a good shot, which she can’t catch me anyway, not a chance, cos I’m superfast, like a streak of red lightning, except even faster, I really honestly am.

Course, when I want to stop, it’s a different story. Come on, Meg, you don’t want to go in again! It’s too cold for swimming. I’m like have you been in? No? Well I think I’m the one best placed to judge what’s too cold and what’s not too cold and what’s just right for me, don’t you? It’s icing up round the edge, she says. Which is just how I like it, I say, now please, will you throw the ball in again?

I realise that, as a Megastar, photoshoots go with the territory

It’s the light, she says, you look so beautiful in this clear Autumn light

I’m like, yada yada, talk to the paw, whatever Mum, can we just go?

Elsie, starts wingeing, cos she’s cold

Now please, will you throw the ball in again?