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My life as a MEG-A-STAR

The amazing adventures of Tripawd Meg

My life as a MEG-A-STAR

How to Make a MegaStar

February 26th, 2017 · 10 Comments · Uncategorized

People are always asking me what I am. I’m a MegaStar, I tell them. But what are you, they say. How d’you mean? I say. I told you, I’m a MegaStar. But… they say. But what? I say. Nothing, they say, and that’s the end of that.

The thing is, I know what they want to know, and why. I just don’t let on. They want to know what my ingredients are, all the special things you need to put in the pot and mix together to come up with one of me.

One of me

Well, I never paid very much attention, to be honest. A MegaStar is a MegaStar and it’s a very rare and very special thing to be, and it’s so rare there’s only one the world and I’m just incredibly MegaLucky that that one and only MegaStar just happens to be me. All the same, I do find that as I get older, I’m developing more of an interest in my family history. So when Mum offered to do me a DNA test, I said okay, why not? Apart from anything else, I said, there ought to be a record. A MegaStar’s genetics are matter of supreme historical, cultural, aesthetic and scientific importance.

So she sent off a cheek swab, and this is what came back:

 

Now, lest there be any doubters amongst you, I should perhaps add, that Mum has had my DNA tested twice before (twice!), in an effort to understand my behaviour (her words), which is frankly bizarre, as my behaviour has never been anything other than entirely understandable, and if anyone’s DNA needed testing for behavioural clues, I’d respectfully suggest that it’s her DNA, not mine. Anyway, leaving that aside… my Rottweiler parentage has come up in all three tests, so I think we can call that conclusive. For some reason people seem to find this amusing, I have no idea why. In my youth, it is true that my Rottweiler genes were perhaps closer to the surface. Here’s a picture of me from the early days, not long after Mum adopted me, when I was about a year old…

Me, during my first Winter with Mum

I have changed in appearance considerably to become the dog you know and love today. My leg’s the least of it:

The dog you know and love today

I believe the Rottweiler was my mother because though, sadly, I cannot remember her face, I do have a deep buried memory (I think it is a memory, not just a dream) of being nursed by a majestic creature, and a red muzzle licking me clean.

My other components are harder to picture, and I have no recollection of my father at all, so Mum did me a family tree, with pictures, including a guess at what my father might have looked like. I stared long and hard into his soft, grey face and imagined how astonished, and delighted he’d be, to know he had a MegaStar for a daughter.

 

My Family Tree

And then, of course, Elsie got all jealous cause Mum hadn’t done a tree for her and even though it’s like the most totally obvious thing in the whole world ever, and even though it’s so obvious, she never even needed a DNA test, Mum still did Elsie a family tree, which is here, and I haven’t changed it at all, cause I wouldn’t, not at all, I mean obviously, not at all, so this is Elsie’s family tree:

Elsie’s Family Tree

But they didn’t just test for my ancestors, but for my health markers too, which is really why Mum did it, and it turns out  I am totally clear of all the genetic disease markers they test for. Except they haven’t yet found the gene for IOHC, which I do have, and I wish they would, and maybe now they’ve got my DNA, that will help them find it.

So that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you make a MegaStar – or how you avoid making one, says Mum, which is really mean, but she’s only joking. I mean, obviously she’s only joking. You’re only joking, aren’t you, Mum? Mum???

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Snow is the best thing EVER!

January 13th, 2017 · 21 Comments · Uncategorized

Sometimes I find it hard to decide on what is the best thing ever. Like last week I thought the best thing ever was going to the beach, and the week before that I thought it was… actually I can’t remember, but it doesn’t matter anyway because now I KNOW the best thing ever ever EVER in the world is snow.

The thing is with snow, you can roll in it…

And you can eat it as well…

You can play in it…

Or you can just stand and watch it fall. It’s magical, it really is.

Even Elsie Pie was up for some fun. We made this video to show you.

Can’t stop, Else and I are off to build a giant snow squirrel.

Lots of love,

From Meg xxx

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A Poem on the Occasion of my 10 Month Ampuversary

January 9th, 2017 · 5 Comments · Uncategorized

Ten months ago, I lost my leg,

So now I’ve just got three.

I couldn’t give a tinker’s cuss,

I’m happy as can be.

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How I was quiet and won us a trip to the beach

January 4th, 2017 · 14 Comments · Uncategorized

Meg, says Mum, if you just keep quiet for fifteen minutes while I finish this work, you can have anything you want. Anything? I said. Within reason, she said. That’s not anything, I said. Meg, she said, I mean it, be quiet. Alright! I said, I was only saying. What about me? says Elsie, who’d been sleeping anyway, made no difference to her. You too, said Mum. But I’m serious. I want fifteen minutes of silence.

Well I’ve got no problems keeping quiet, but Elsie, it’s just ridiculous. She keeps scratching and snorting and digging the cushions and pulling the stuffing out of her duck and scratching and snorting again. Is it time? she says, like every ten seconds. Come on, it must be time!

If you don’t stop fidgeting, Elsie, said Mum, you’ll have no treats at all and no tea tonight either, which neither of us believed a word, but it did the trick anyway, Elsie just froze like playing statues, and she never took her eyes off Mum.

Elsie just froze like playing statues, and she never took her eyes off Mum

Alright, said Mum, finally. What would you like? Sausagelivergamepie,’said Elsie immediately, and she started drooling, like literally drooling, just at the thought of it. Which? said Mum, but she couldn’t decide cause whichever she chose meant she didn’t get the other two, and she started to panic at the thought of it, which is Elsie all over, glass half empty, always.

Meg? said Mum, cause I’d been waiting really patiently, but I knew what I wanted, obviously. I was just biding my time. Beach please, I said. Oh Meg! said Mum. What? I said.  Well, she said. It’s just, you know, you need to take it a bit easy and the beach, I mean, I know you love the beach, but it’s just you maybe love it a little toooo much. I didn’t say a word. I just looked at her. Alright, she said. The beach it is. But promise me you won’t overdo it. I was already rushing out the door. Of course I won’t! I shouted.

So I took it really easy.

I went for a paddle…

  

Nothing over the top at all…

And I had a little stroll in the edge of the sea…

And pottered along on the beach for a bit…

Nothing over the top at all…

Just chilling, really…

‘Scuse me, said Else. ‘Scuse me! I’ve decided. Can I have Game Pie, please?

You can, said Mum. And we did, as well. When we got home, we had Game Pie. Then Else went to sleep, but I stayed up and chatted to Mum for a bit. Mum? I said. Yes, Meg, she said. I was wondering… I said. I was wondering… if we’re quiet tomorrow, can we do it all over again?

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My 9 Month Ampuversary!

December 8th, 2016 · 23 Comments · Uncategorized

Nine months post amp and I am loving my Megastar life on three! The only thing is I’m worried that now my memory seems to be going. Can someone remind me, what was that fourth leg for?

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