Month: May 2018

Word has reached Pie Palace of the impending nuptials between an American actress and a British prince, in the light of which it has found it necessary to release the following statement:

There is only one Princess Meg.

Pie Palace will not be commenting further on this matter.

‘Meg,’ says Mum, one day, like out of the blue, ‘Do you fancy a holiday?’ ‘Course,’ I said, like stupid question. ‘Course I fancy a holiday…’ ‘Well,’ she says, ‘guess what, your Auntie Lisa has invited us up to Scotland.’ ‘Scotland! I said, and I’m like, ‘Whereabouts…’ but before I can finish, ‘It’s up North above England,’ she says, which is like the most patronisingist thing ever, and that’s saying something I’m telling you. ‘I know where Scotland is,’ I said. ‘ I was asking whereabouts in Scotland, like Edinburgh, or Inverness or the Hebrides or where…’ and I rolled my eyes, cause everyone knows I’m far better at geography than she is, like millions gazillions better; she can’t even find the front door half the time.  ‘Glasgow,’ she says, ‘which is where Lisa lives, and then we’re all going to go to the Isle of Bute, which is where Auntie Lisa comes from.’ ‘You going to explain what an isle is?’ I said, but I couldn’t keep the hump up long cause I was too excited about our holiday.

We left very early cos Glasgow is a long way to drive, but it was fun cos we got to stop at lots of service stations, and I love service stations:

When we got to Glasgow, I found the buildings were all built of sandstone, which is red like me.

Auntie Lisa had cooked a roast chicken dinner to welcome us, and I got to sit at the table and everything:

Next day we went to Loch Lomond, and I had the best time ever.

Here I am, swimming in the loch:

Are you looking Mum?

Loch Lomond was fab. I did loads of playing:

Just once I got a bit sad because of how much Pie would have loved it there, and this was our first holiday without her. Mum knew I was sad. Just listen, she said, can’t you hear her voice in the wind?

And then she gave me cuddles

And I taught Auntie Lisa how to throw my bally just the way I like it:

I was quite tired by the time we got back to Glasgow, and Mum says I’m never tired, or hardly ever:

Next day we went to the Isle of Bute. We missed the ferry:

But that was okay, cos there was another one.

This is me on the ferry:

I’d never been on a ferry before, and Mum said I was “surprisingly good”, which is a backhanded compliment if ever I heard one, but a compliment’s a compliment, I’ll take it…

The Isle of Bute was beautiful.

I did more swimming:

And I went to a ruined chapel, which was nearly 1000 years old:

On our last day in Glasgow, we went to the Clyde, and walked along past the old shipyards. I felt like Queen Meg in my chariot:

It was the best holiday except for it was too short. I couldn’t hardly believe it when Mum said we had to go home next morning. But we only just got here! I said.

And then we drove all the way back home and it took even longer than on the way cos Mum got lost. Her geography, uh-oh, I’m telling you…